Being A Mom....

For those of you reading this and don't know me, I became a mom almost three years ago when my son Dominic made his entrance into this world. I found out in January 2020 that I was pregnant and was able to tell my close friends and family, and then the next time anyone saw me I was almost nine months pregnant. This was due to the world wide Covid Pandemic that swept the entire world. I know that so many were in the same boat as me, and I remember going to the first ultrasound and my husband and I walking through the doors of the hospital and being told only I could go in. This stripped my husband of being able to hear his babies heartbeat and see him on a screen for the first time (as we were first time parents). I broke for him inside.

Although my husband made the decision to bring life into this world, truly no one and nothing prepares you for that life and everything it brings. You really learn a lot about yourself, your relationship and about each other and I mean you and your partner really need to dig deep to make it work sometimes. You have to figure out merging different upbringings and what you actually value in your core. What values you walk with everyday and what are deal breakers for you. You need to communicate, compromise, and give yourself grace. We as women CAN NOT do it alone, and I can say that my husband has truly been my ride or die in all of this and is a very

hands on dad.

No one also prepares you for post partum YES ITS A THING PEOPLE! It disguises itself when it inserts into your life, and sometimes you don't even realize.... until you do. Then you have this overwhelming guilt about not being healthy for this child that is relying on you everyday and that needs you. How do you accept your not okay in order to become okay, and become stronger? THIS is where your support system is so crucial and I was so so so fortunate to have my family and my close friends support me and support my husband as he was supporting me.

But is it worth it?

This Mother's Day looked very different for me for many reasons, but when I was sitting and eating dinner with my son and my husband, reflecting on everything that got us here, I don't think I would have changed it. It truly prepared me for everything we faced and overcame and I can only hope I can pass that "keep moving forward" mentality, that resiliency my husband and I have, that work hard attitude to my son.

I sat and really reflected on what kind of Mom I want to be, which sometimes can be clouded with what what other's think of us (people will always have something to say about how you parent). I've experienced first hand how everyone can have something to say about what kind of mom I am (and not in the pleasant warm and fuzzy way). I use to let it dig into my soul until my soul broke and I became a person I didn't even recognize, and for what? I've silenced this in my life now!

I know who the hell I am? Why am I letting someone tell me who I am? I know that I have shown up everyday even when I wasn't 100% to be 100% in those moments for my son. I know I am his safe place, I am one of the people he laughs with, shares ideas with, and knows that I have the upmost confidence in anything he wants to try or push himself to do. I value what he brings to this world, and my only hope is that he can make the world a better place just by being in it. Showing respect but also making sure he is respected. I want him to have strong roots, be sure of himself, and the ONLY way I can make this happen is by modeling this for him with my husband and the people we surround ourself with.

Being a mom TESTS me in every way possible, and it will always test me. It won't change no matter what age he is because it is now my job to guide him through life the best way I know how with my husband. BUT I'm not in it alone I have a strong support system and so does my son.

I know he will go on to do great things and I'm excited to be there every step of the way cheering him on!

.... SO yeah, it's worth it!