1 Year Back

If you met me in the last 12 years it might not be a known fact that once upon a time I use to train in mixed martial arts. I started with high school wrestling and then moved into grappling, and mma. I was surrounded by some of the most talented fighters and coaches who pushed me outside of my comfort zone and never let me let my size be something that got in my way.

As the story goes, life took a turn that I wasn't expecting and I had to put what I loved on hold, to take care of a child that wasn't mine, support my partner through some big moments and feelings, as well as figure out what direction I wanted to go in my life.

During this time, my love for the sport was always there like Rocky says "fighters fight" and no matter how much time past, my heart was on the wrestling mat.

In 2021 I was talking to one of the first sensei's that really saw something in me, and took me under his wing and showed me that my size didn't matter on the mat. He was by my side and in my corner every step of the way. He told me about a gym he was opening, as I was hearing more about the gym and everything that was going to be offered my heart felt really heavy. It felt like I was a kid again and really wanted something and my parents said no. Only, there wasn't anyone holding me back but me. I had a baby, I had not be on a mat in 12 years and I was scared.

Finally in the spring of 2022, I talked to my husband and told him I wanted to go back to training. I felt like mentally it was going to be a great outlet. But, if I'm going to be honest here, I was TERRIFIED. It's never a good feeling standing at the bottom of a staircase looking at the entire thing. But, I had to remind myself that I just need to focus on the right step. I wasn't sure how I would mesh with the women who were training, and would the men accept me in their classes? SOOO MANY what if's. I went to take a look at the gym, and chatted with my sensi, and I could have probably cried when I left there.

I held myself accountable to go to the following class that Monday, and I did. Of course, I gave away all my training clothes thinking I would never need them again, that this was out of my system. I was able to locate my gear which was nice, and purchased a new mouth guard.

I was introduced to everyone, and I felt very overwhelmed. My Sensi was bringing light to my experience and growth in the sport. But I didn't feel like that person, I felt like someone who needed to get back on the horse.

When I left the gym that night, I sat in my car on the way home and just cried. I cried because for the first time IN A LONG TIME, I felt put back together. I didn't feel any kind of stress or anxiety, and any of it that I walked in with, I was able to use training as an outlet to release it from my body. I felt like me again, and it felt good to start to clear the "stuff in the basement" as Rocky would say. I felt empowered, I felt strong, and I felt like I made the right choice to return to something I loved.

I was thinking about my son, and how one day he can be on the side of the mat and watch me train, and he can see me as someone who is strong, and that can be strong for him. HELL I'd love for him to follow in my footsteps. I was so thankful to my Sensi for truly offering me the opportunity to work with him again, it was a blessing.

It's been a year now since I've been back, and I've met so many amazing men and women. I love my gym, I love that I can train there and not worry about some meat head coming off the street. I love that my training partners take care of each other when practicing. I love the encouragement and I love the trainers. Coming back has allowed me to release things that don't serve me and have a more clear head to deal with a lot of what has been thrown at me this year and I will forever be in the debt of the gym and my team for that.

GOD it feels good to be back!